Dear Justin
by smithyfan
Summary: Sequal to I'm sorry Mama. Andrew writes a letter to Justin. Oneshot maybe more. Rated for safety and mild language. Fic is better than the title which I had a total block on.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Desperate housewives, any characters or anything really so don't sue me. I also don't own the song at the end it is Waiting for a star to fall by Boy meets girl.****  
****A/N So this is the sequel to I'm Sorry Mama. It's written from Justin's POV. Its quite random, came from nowhere. It hasn't been beta'd as I wrote it as a bit of spontaneity (sp?!). So sorry for any mistakes.**

I walk bleary eyed out of my bedroom at about midday for a drink of water, as desperate attempt at rehydration. My head is banging and I feel like throwing up. Last night was a bad night, I thought I'd seen Him at the shops. All afternoon he consumed my thoughts and I headed off to the bar around 6:30. The post is lying on the table, John must have picked it up before going to work. I pick it up and flick through it. A hand posted, handwritten letter catches my eye and the script is all too familiar. Taking a deep breath I sit down and open up the envelope.  
_  
Dear Justin,  
I don't know how you're going to feel about hearing from me. I suppose it depends if my mom has spoken to you. Well I'll assume she hasn't. I wrote to her a while back. I explained things to her. I asked her to tell you because, well you deserve to know. Firstly, I'm sorry for not texting you back or answering your calls but I expect after reading the next paragraph you won't be too bothered._

_I don't know how to say this, even in a letter. I guess I just have to say it. I slept with someone. _

I stop reading for a second and just stare at the last sentence. It doesn't surprise me that he did it; just that he's written a letter to tell me. I carry on reading.

_It was Mom's boyfriend, Peter. _

I have to put the letter down out of shock. This was bad, even for Andrew. I feel like I don't understand but the reality is anything but blurry in my mind. Out of some desperate need for an explanation I pick up the paper again.

_You know how I said one day I'd do something so awful? Well I did it. That sounds like I don't regret it. I do, I really do. Everyday when I wake up I think if I could take it back and change what I did I would. Nothing good has come of it and I wish I could go back. My Mom threw me out, I lost all my stuff, my family and I lost you_

_You're probably thinking this doesn't really sound like me. I presume you know who it is right? Well I guess it probably doesn't. I've grown up a bit. Being on my own has made me appreciate people. _

_I wasn't sure whether to tell you this bit. I'm still not sure I'm right. I kinda feel like you deserve to know. Maybe then you won't feel like I was such an asshole. Who am I kidding, I am an asshole. Maybe it will make it better. Maybe not. Shit I've made a mess of this now haven't I? It should be easy in a letter. I love you. _

_There I finally have the courage to say it, well write it. Cowardly really. I never dared say it to your face. I almost felt that if I admitted how I felt then it would all go wrong. _

_I thought writing to my mom was the hardest thing I'd ever done. This is harder. _

_I doubt I'll see you again. But I'm sorry. Like those seven letters can make everything better. Yeah right. I expect you're over me by now. I'm glad; you deserve someone so much better. Someone who is so much better than me. So one who loves you and has the courage to say it to you and show you they mean it. _

I have tears running down my cheeks by this point blurring my vision forcing me to stop reading. Why doesn't he understand? He is the best. There's no one, NO ONE, better than him. I wipe my eyes so I can finish the letter.

_I hope this letter has explained why I 'ran away' as I guess my mom put it. I also want to thank you. I don't even want to think about where I might be if it hadn't been for you. And everyday just the though of you helps me get through work. I hate my job, I got fired from my last one. This is pretty much the only thing I can do now. I don't know - _

I can't read the next few words, they're smudged from what looks surprisingly like a tear stain.

_So anyway I wanted to write this partly because I felt it's what you deserve but also selfishly because it's what I needed to do. I hope that one day we might see each other again, yeah that would be nice._

_I'd better end this letter now. I feel like I haven't said anything near everything I want to yet I can't think what else to write. I hope you're happy and I wish you the best life possible because you deserve it more than anyone I have ever met. I love you Justin and I know that whatever happens I always will. _

_Andrew x_

I lowered the letter and the tears continued to fall. I didn't hear the door open or anyone come in.  
'Justin?' for a second I thought it was Him. Then rationality kicked in and I turned to face John who is back for lunch. 'What's happened?' Silently I hand him the letter and he reads it quickly. He looks up and is lost for words for a moment. 'Call him, you know you want to.' he says and walks to the fridge, grabs something and walks to his room.  
'I CAN'T' I shout at the closed door. There's silence for a moment and then he opens it.  
'Why?'  
'Because I can't'  
'One reason why you shouldn't' he challenges  
'Because.' I trail off. 'One reason why I should?'  
'Because you can't think of a reason not to' he replies. I'm silent. 'Good luck' he says before shutting his bedroom door again.

I reach for my mobile sighing. I can hear music drifting in through the window from a car parked outside.

**I hear your name whispered on the wind  
It's a sound that makes me cry **

I press speed dial 2, A for Andrew. The phone rings.

**I hear a song blow again and again  
Through my mind and I don't know why  
I wish I didn't feel so strong about you  
Like happiness and love revolve around you **

I hear a beep and a robotic voice comes on. 'Please wait your call is being diverted' A couple of rings later he answers. 'Hello?'

**Trying to catch your heart  
Is like trying to catch a star  
So many people love you baby  
That must be what you are **

I can't talk, its like I've forgotten how to make words, even if I could talk I don't know what I'd say. 'Hello?' he says again 'You know this is harassment, I can have you arrested.'  
'Andrew?' I manage to choke out.

**Waiting for a star to fall  
And carry your heart into my arms  
That's where you belong  
In my arms baby, yeah **

He doesn't speak but I can hear his breathing. 'Andrew?' I ask again. 'It's Justin'  
'Hi' he whispers.  
'I got your letter' I tell him.  
'Oh' is all he says.  
'How are you?'  
'Okay'  
'Good.' Our conversation is stiff and awkward, not like it used to be. It doesn't flow naturally as if instinctively we know what to say. 'I love you too' I blurt out.  
'I know'  
'Good'

**I've learned to feel what I cannot see  
But with you I lose that vision  
I don't know how to dream your dream  
So I'm all caught up in superstition  
I want to reach out and pull you to me  
Who says I should let a wild one go free **

'Please come home' I plead  
'I haven't got a home' he tells me  
'You can stay with me. I miss you.'  
'You shouldn't. You can find someone better'  
'No I can't.' I concentrate on keeping my voice steady. 'You're the best.'

**Trying to catch your heart  
Is like trying to catch a star  
But I can't love you this much baby  
And love you from this far **

'I'm not; I'm so far from the best I can't even see him.'  
'Then get a mirror'  
I hear him sigh. 'Please Justin, just accept it'  
'No, I'm not giving up. I need you. It's like you're part of me.' I know he can hear the breaking of my voice but I no longer care

**Waiting for a star to fall  
And carry your heart into my arms  
That's where you belong  
In my arms baby, yeah **

'I can't Justin. I just- can't'  
'Why?'  
'Its complicated, you wouldn't like the person I am now.'  
'I thought you'd made up with your mom.'  
'I like to think I have'  
'Then you must have become a better person'  
'I was.'  
'But?'  
'It went back downhill. Things I've done... you'd hate it'

**Waiting (however long...)  
I don't like waiting (I'll wait for you...)  
It's so hard waiting (don't be too long...)  
Seems like waiting (makes me love you even more...)**

'Try me'  
'No. I don't want to make you think worse of me than you already do.'  
'I won't'  
'You will'  
'Please?'  
'I have to go Justin'  
'Don't'  
'Bye Justin.'  
'I love you' there's a pause.  
'I love you too' The dialling tone rings into my ear

**Waiting for a star to fall****  
****And carry your heart into my arms**  
**That's where you belong**  
**In my arms baby, yeah **

I put the phone down and look at my watch, 1:00. The time registers but it doesn't stop me reaching for the bottle of vodka in the cupboard.

**A/N Hmm possibility of another chapter. Not sure. Don't really like how it ended. Sorry about Justin. I didn't mean to make him an alcoholic but it kinda just happened... If I write a second chapter that will probably go. Anyway please review I love feedback and let me know if I should do anther chapter. xxx**


End file.
